​I reflect on the true meaning of Christmas Spirit during this season more so than any other. I thought I had it all figured out and then I got caught in the storm off my shore. No worries; my ship always rights itself after each time it capsizes.  But in the interim of upright and underwater, I learn and/or acquire a new question I must answer. It is this storm that is mostly changing me; my thoughts, my beliefs, my needs, and my wants. Maybe I should have listened to the warning messages and realized this year would bring the tumultuous holiday spirit forecasted. Not me though, I ignored the fog inducing, numbing pain which blocked all feelings while erasing most of the memory of the past holiday season. So I paddle feverishly for my shore….

This Christmas will not be on the grand gift giving scale as Christmases past. (Maybe one lesson on the truest meaning of Spirit.) I have reduced everything in my life over the past year; some by choice and some by circumstance. Initially I was in shock, but have come to realize I have no regrets. In due turn, circumstance has made me dig deeper into my heart to make each gift more meaningful and less wanting. From here I was directed on a path to looking for the truest, maybe original, meaning of all the stuff surrounding the holiday celebration. The journey has been a good time because I have learned things I didn’t know. 

There have been a few things I now acknowledge in my pursuit. I will include here, the need for people to carry this spirit in their hearts all year long. It is not actually a “holiday” spirit but the truest essence of what our hearts should be filled with throughout our entire existence.  The original meaning of the tree, ornaments, lights, candy canes, gifts, wreaths,  etcetera, although differing a little between religions, is the guiding knowledge of what spirit is. They symbolize strength, beauty, lighted guidance, sacrifice, giving, connections and so on; all we should esteem to every day of the year, not just for a season. 

 My heart still aches from the loss while I learn to appreciate the journey the pain is taking me on. I hope it gives me opportunities to discover more about myself while becoming more authentic as I practice carrying the “holiday” Spirit in my heart every day. 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to everyone!

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